Monday, September 15, 2008
Baby Steps
I am making changes in everypart of my life this year. I have come to realize while meeting some amazing people last year, I wasn't leading the life I intended to. While having fun is important, it shouldn't be the thing that drives you. There wasn't any though as to the reprocussions of my actions. Mainly, I want a close relationship to Christ, which is something i sincerly lost track of. I want to be a doctor and I want to be able to look back upon my life and be proud of who I am and what I have done.I was hurting the people who cared about me most in life. I was pulling away from my family and god. I was hurting myself physically and mentally, not treating myself with the love and respect I deserve. In other words,I was doing things that I knew I shouldn't be doing. I was making bad decisions left and right; whether that be from whom I was dating boys who I knew weren't right for me,to slacking when I should be studying, ignoring my relationship with God,to partying and blacking out multiple times. Having been brought up in a household where I shold have know better, i was putting up barriers and breaking trust. So this year, after a lot of consideration and self reflection I am going to think twice and not return to that person that I didn't recognize this summer in the mirror and if you do catch me falling away from my goals please let me know, hold me accountable. I will appreciate it more that you know even if I cannot say it at the time.
Monday, September 8, 2008
New new new
So I realized that I haven’t really updated my blog in a while as well as the lovely Sarah Lake mentioned to me. Classes started today at PLU and my life has changed a lot in a short period of time. I have been at school since the 15th for work. I feel like I have been living in the training room, and should just get a sleeping bag. Luckily, I love the people I work with and our new ATC Jill is a kick. I did get a few days off to go to Bumbershoot with Meagan and this weekend to help Josh move into Central. Bumbershoot was amazing. We got to see Paramore(Haley Williams’ voice blew me away, she has an amazing stage presence) , The Offspring, and Death Cab for Cutie. Unfortunately, we didn’t get in line soon enough to see Flobots and the band that opened for Death Cab made my ears bleed, but all in all it still was an amazing day with my girl Meagan, and I am so glad that we went. We got each got rings at one of the vendors, mine is a rose and I love it. We both ended up getting Henna on our wrists as well and I am thinking about getting a tattoo tattoo. I am now living in T-stad with my lovely new roommate Emily, whom I adore. She is easy going and fun to be around. Our room looks pretty now that we are done lofting and getting everything the way we like it and I am slowly getting over my fear of elevators out of pure laziness, but I still take the stairs when ever I can help it. Other than that I have a new boy in my life, his name is Josh. He makes me so happy and I am so lucky that we found each other, who would have thought you would meet the boy of your dreams at a busted bonfire at Alki. He is sweet, funny, and time flies when I am with him. I never thought I would be swept off my feet, but there are fireworks every time we kiss and I miss him more than words can express. I drove over with Josh and his family this weekend to help him move into his dorm, Quiqley, early because he is part of the IAP program, which would equate an RA in the international dorm. Well I got to jet. Later.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Southern Summer
I am coming to my last week in Pineville and I thought I would take a look back on what I have done this summer. It has been an interesting summer to say the least.
We definitely accomplished our goal of remodeling the house. It no longer smells of smoke and is a clean, functioning home. So far, we painted every room (from dark paneling which took a lot of work), got new appliances in the kitchen, refinished the cabinets, got a new counter tops, replaced all the light fixtures, put in new toilets and vanities in all the bathrooms,new shower heads and shower rods and curtains, rewired and replaced all the outlets and light switches. And that is just what we did ourselves.We are still waiting on the contractor who is suppose to come and replace the sliding glass door. On top of this we have gotten new furniture for the living room and office, and pretty bedding to sleep in, and amazing rugs for the floor. It looks like a whole new house and I am really proud of all the changes we have made because they were sorrily needed.
Furthermore, I connected with a lot of my family. I got to know my Aunt Melinda and her partner Shirley who live in Lafayette, and love them to pieces. We went to movies, swam in their pool, played with their puppy Seattle, and drove to New Iberia to look at old plantations, which were beautiful and rich with history. Also we spend a few days in Lake Charles with my Aunt Barbara and her husband Mr. Judd. They have a beautiful home on the lake and we had an amazing crab feed.I slept in Egyptian Cotton sheets. I might give my first born for a set of those, they were amazing. And we just got back from Arkansas, from seeing my Nan and Paran. Those are my godparents for you northerns. They bought the man who own Tyson Chicken's old house. It was amazing, marble everywhere and more bedrooms than any person could ever need. Downfall of this all they are in the middle of nowhere with 70 acres. At night I would text and talk to people if I was lucky, I had to sit in a certain position and not move my arm because if I did I lost my single bar of service.
I also think I have gotten to know my father a lot better because I spent the most time with him I have under one roof since I was in 8th Grade. I love playing cards and making dinner with him, we have a blast.
Also, I went to Oregon for a week, which I was blessed enough to have my sister come down and spend time/ save me from the most hellatious week ever. The pros were that we got to go watch the Olympic trials( which was absolutely fun to watch so many amazing athletes give it their all), running with a 72 year old former Vegas show girl and having her kick my ass, and going ATVing. But things are strained with my maternal grandma after my parents got divorced she has embraced my Dad rather than her own daughter and made it clear that she didn't want to spend time with us, which is a shame & rather hurtful. What would you say if you asked to take a picture before you leave to remember your time there ( in which she wouldn't talk to either my sister or I) and were rejected and as she stated, "She didn't want to remember this"? I don't feel like there is a lot to say. But I got a whirlwind trip to Washington in after taking the train with my sister, and I got to see Sam, Hales, Rach, Meghan, and Sarah, and most importantly my MOM :) I miss her a ton and am so excited to see her next week.
I also have had a lot of quiet time, which is nice because I got a chance to think somethings over and relax. I started painting using mainly acrylics again and I forgot how much I love it. I am so glad that since I found out I had mono that it was now not during the school year and had the time to recover. The only bad part, is the fact I am just now able to return to working out and playing tennis. Not doing what I literally do everyday because I love it, was really hard on me. Because I feel like it is going to be a hard game of catch up to get back to where I was.
Right now, there is a lot to look forward to. My sister comes for a visit tomorrow (to surprise my Dad for his birthday). I also planned my Dad a birthday party next weekend which should be so awesome to see our family and friends & let them see all of the house, my trip to Canada with Haley is going to be amazing, hanging out with Garrett, and going to Bumpershoot with Meagan is going to be a blast... More importantly I get to see my friends and family that I have been missing so much in a week and I can't wait :)
We definitely accomplished our goal of remodeling the house. It no longer smells of smoke and is a clean, functioning home. So far, we painted every room (from dark paneling which took a lot of work), got new appliances in the kitchen, refinished the cabinets, got a new counter tops, replaced all the light fixtures, put in new toilets and vanities in all the bathrooms,new shower heads and shower rods and curtains, rewired and replaced all the outlets and light switches. And that is just what we did ourselves.We are still waiting on the contractor who is suppose to come and replace the sliding glass door. On top of this we have gotten new furniture for the living room and office, and pretty bedding to sleep in, and amazing rugs for the floor. It looks like a whole new house and I am really proud of all the changes we have made because they were sorrily needed.
Furthermore, I connected with a lot of my family. I got to know my Aunt Melinda and her partner Shirley who live in Lafayette, and love them to pieces. We went to movies, swam in their pool, played with their puppy Seattle, and drove to New Iberia to look at old plantations, which were beautiful and rich with history. Also we spend a few days in Lake Charles with my Aunt Barbara and her husband Mr. Judd. They have a beautiful home on the lake and we had an amazing crab feed.I slept in Egyptian Cotton sheets. I might give my first born for a set of those, they were amazing. And we just got back from Arkansas, from seeing my Nan and Paran. Those are my godparents for you northerns. They bought the man who own Tyson Chicken's old house. It was amazing, marble everywhere and more bedrooms than any person could ever need. Downfall of this all they are in the middle of nowhere with 70 acres. At night I would text and talk to people if I was lucky, I had to sit in a certain position and not move my arm because if I did I lost my single bar of service.
I also think I have gotten to know my father a lot better because I spent the most time with him I have under one roof since I was in 8th Grade. I love playing cards and making dinner with him, we have a blast.
Also, I went to Oregon for a week, which I was blessed enough to have my sister come down and spend time/ save me from the most hellatious week ever. The pros were that we got to go watch the Olympic trials( which was absolutely fun to watch so many amazing athletes give it their all), running with a 72 year old former Vegas show girl and having her kick my ass, and going ATVing. But things are strained with my maternal grandma after my parents got divorced she has embraced my Dad rather than her own daughter and made it clear that she didn't want to spend time with us, which is a shame & rather hurtful. What would you say if you asked to take a picture before you leave to remember your time there ( in which she wouldn't talk to either my sister or I) and were rejected and as she stated, "She didn't want to remember this"? I don't feel like there is a lot to say. But I got a whirlwind trip to Washington in after taking the train with my sister, and I got to see Sam, Hales, Rach, Meghan, and Sarah, and most importantly my MOM :) I miss her a ton and am so excited to see her next week.
I also have had a lot of quiet time, which is nice because I got a chance to think somethings over and relax. I started painting using mainly acrylics again and I forgot how much I love it. I am so glad that since I found out I had mono that it was now not during the school year and had the time to recover. The only bad part, is the fact I am just now able to return to working out and playing tennis. Not doing what I literally do everyday because I love it, was really hard on me. Because I feel like it is going to be a hard game of catch up to get back to where I was.
Right now, there is a lot to look forward to. My sister comes for a visit tomorrow (to surprise my Dad for his birthday). I also planned my Dad a birthday party next weekend which should be so awesome to see our family and friends & let them see all of the house, my trip to Canada with Haley is going to be amazing, hanging out with Garrett, and going to Bumpershoot with Meagan is going to be a blast... More importantly I get to see my friends and family that I have been missing so much in a week and I can't wait :)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Thoughts from a few days back.
Honey, I am home; or lack there of in many senses.
I am home from the first year of college and being abroad in Belize.
I am struck by so many things during these few weeks after school has gotten out.
Firstly, I may have come home but the homecoming feel has long been dismissed. The life I once graced no longer exists in Auburn, which was expected, but still reality is harsh. I visited with many old friends and flames, things have all evolved. I am not the same girl you may use to know in many ways I have changed, I maintained my heart but physically and emotionally have changed. I have seen things, been alone, and know I can make it. But outwardly, you see the same person as always. My mother states getting me to let you in is like summiting Everest; complicated at best but ultimately rewarding and rare.
With some, our friendships are stronger than ever. I find comfort in the fact that those whom I love are infallible and have always been. With others, they have maintained (whether that may be emotionally or in location, or in both) and things will never return to how they were because how can they when both are in different places. Maybe that is for the better, hindsight it wonderful and casts all in a beautiful glow. I hate that superficial that has replaced solid.
I am so grateful for two boys that have gotten to share the ride with me. I am sorry in once instance it was fun but letting you go was better for both ultimately, and still unsure why in the other instance. But maybe one day you will be able to see me, smile, and talk like we use to. I miss that. But time will strengthen and make me grow back stronger. In the words of Charlie’s Angels my heart is a muscle, and like any muscle needs to be conditioned. So once the right one comes along my heart will be so strong, I will be able to clean jerk his. Cheesy much? Oh well.
My mom and sister were flooded by the love of their significant others at the airport and I find strength in the fact that one will come and make the others disappear; but until then I lead an excellent and fantastic life and don’t need someone else to make me appreciate that.
So I am home, with strep throat after another third world country under my belt. I climbed Mayan ruins, held a nurse shark and touched a sting ray, snorkeled on the second biggest reef on the planet, drank enough Belikan Beer and One Barrel Rum (Belize’s chief exports) to sink a ship, appreciated lack of electricity and technology. I lived fully and was captivated by the experience.
Now, I leaving in two days for Louisiana for the first time I have spent with my father since I was in sixth grade under one roof. We are cleaning out and flipping my grandfather’s house since he passed. I am sure it will be intense and wonderful to cultivate a relationship but I want it more than can be expressed.
So my permanent address may be Auburn, Washington on forms but my eternal address cannot be reduced to a zip code, home is in my heart this summer.
I am home from the first year of college and being abroad in Belize.
I am struck by so many things during these few weeks after school has gotten out.
Firstly, I may have come home but the homecoming feel has long been dismissed. The life I once graced no longer exists in Auburn, which was expected, but still reality is harsh. I visited with many old friends and flames, things have all evolved. I am not the same girl you may use to know in many ways I have changed, I maintained my heart but physically and emotionally have changed. I have seen things, been alone, and know I can make it. But outwardly, you see the same person as always. My mother states getting me to let you in is like summiting Everest; complicated at best but ultimately rewarding and rare.
With some, our friendships are stronger than ever. I find comfort in the fact that those whom I love are infallible and have always been. With others, they have maintained (whether that may be emotionally or in location, or in both) and things will never return to how they were because how can they when both are in different places. Maybe that is for the better, hindsight it wonderful and casts all in a beautiful glow. I hate that superficial that has replaced solid.
I am so grateful for two boys that have gotten to share the ride with me. I am sorry in once instance it was fun but letting you go was better for both ultimately, and still unsure why in the other instance. But maybe one day you will be able to see me, smile, and talk like we use to. I miss that. But time will strengthen and make me grow back stronger. In the words of Charlie’s Angels my heart is a muscle, and like any muscle needs to be conditioned. So once the right one comes along my heart will be so strong, I will be able to clean jerk his. Cheesy much? Oh well.
My mom and sister were flooded by the love of their significant others at the airport and I find strength in the fact that one will come and make the others disappear; but until then I lead an excellent and fantastic life and don’t need someone else to make me appreciate that.
So I am home, with strep throat after another third world country under my belt. I climbed Mayan ruins, held a nurse shark and touched a sting ray, snorkeled on the second biggest reef on the planet, drank enough Belikan Beer and One Barrel Rum (Belize’s chief exports) to sink a ship, appreciated lack of electricity and technology. I lived fully and was captivated by the experience.
Now, I leaving in two days for Louisiana for the first time I have spent with my father since I was in sixth grade under one roof. We are cleaning out and flipping my grandfather’s house since he passed. I am sure it will be intense and wonderful to cultivate a relationship but I want it more than can be expressed.
So my permanent address may be Auburn, Washington on forms but my eternal address cannot be reduced to a zip code, home is in my heart this summer.
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